19 February 2009

I do not like them, Sam I Am.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to write a blog when you keep doing things like pressing ctrl+w while trying to type?

Updating is starting to seem like a chore, and you know how I am about chores. Once I have to do something every day, I lose all interest. Except for reading. I could read forever and still be interesting. That is because books are tofu for the mind.

Today, I developed an irrational fear of walking the hallway from fifth to sixth hour.

It all started two days ago when I was standing outside the door and the bell went off, making me late. Yes, for the first time in my thirteen years of existance, I was late to a class. Cue the shocked gasps. I had to walk past the classroom, up the stairs, and into the office. There were a few other people there. The secretary looked up and said, "You were walking to class and the bell rang," as if she'd heard all the explanations before. She probably has. We all filled out our little yellow slips--they're actually a white paper attached to a yellow paper, so you fill them both out at the same time and they can keep a record of your misdeeds. "This is your first time getting a pass, isn't it, Libby?" I nodded.

The paper burned my hand as I held it. I swear it did. The little red marks on my hand are not pen that says "p. 126," they're burns from my hall ticket. I wanted to rip it into shreds and leave it on the floor screaming for mercy, but you have to hand the things in to your teachers. My teacher left it propped up against the blackboard. Every time I looked at it, I shuddered.

That is the story of how a piece of paper barely the size of my hand scarred me for the rest of my school days. Feel free to cry and tell me how sympathetic you are to my plight. I'm sure you care.

I'm too lazy to really write much, so I'll just type out some of the things I heard during my school days. Eavesdropping is fun. Very, very fun. People do tend to get confused when you're sitting in a corner working and then burst out laughing, though. That's just the price I have to pay.

In French (so many amusing things happen in French; I don't even write half of them down):

Several classmates were staring at their classmate's sandwich. Let's call her Chandra. Chandra told them to stop staring at her sandwich because it was freaking her out. Jonathan said, "I want to put a suit on that sandwich and take it on a date. Yes, a suit. It's a man sandwich--not that men eat it; the sandwich itself is a man." Man-sandwich.

Madame was telling us about how the French teacher at another school has very good hair. Apparently at a French teacher meeting, she said, "I just want to touch your hair!" He said, "You're weird."

Madame was showing us pictures she took while in France. Unfortunately, many of them were of dead animal carcasses lying on tables waiting to be sold. Us vegetarians were highly disgusted. Everyone else took it as an opportunity to tease us.
"Oh, look! More dead animals!"
"YES!"
And then, when the dead things had passed: "Look, veggie guys! Grapes!"

When Sam was called on to say, "J'aime le jambon (I like ham)," he said this instead: "Je n'aime pas d'oeufs verte et de jambon vert." I do not like green eggs and ham.

And then, in Mr. X's class, he told us to "stop conjugating and figure out what to do." Esse, sum, es, est, sumus...I think we should do our play on the Mormons!

Picture Frames. Picture frames are very useful when framing pictures. Without them, our art would hang on the emptiness of our walls without anything around it. What a thought.
Most pictures just wouldn't be the same without the squares of wood or plastic surrounding them. Taking away the frame just about takes away the art. There are more than eight picture frames in our house, as well as countless others that are, I'm sure, waiting to be filled with some lovely picture. Every house should have at least one or two, just in case some priceless piece of art drops out of the sky and they need somewhere to put it.

I was bored in math class, so I decided to write a list of things that would make good names for bands. This was after I'd finished working, of course. What kind of person do you think I am? ...Don't answer that.

Libby's Band Names (Remember, if you're stuck in a band with me, don't listen to a word I say):

  • Trash Bag Fashion
  • Halfway Decent
  • The Fourth Wall
  • Here Be Dragons
  • Schrödinger's Cat
  • The Maybe Girls
  • Lifeline
  • Loud Profanity
  • Human Addition
  • Far Far Away
  • Fish And Visitors
  • Die Klarinetten
  • Tangible Refrigerator

Remember, infidels: be a rebel, just like the string bass players who wear different colored socks at concerts.

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