I'm sitting here late at night and the cousin is leaning on me. She's also tickling my side, or she was, but I think she's giving that up. Do you hear that, cousin? I think you're giving that up.
Sorry if this ends up sounding like me talking to the cousin, but it's not like this blog ever sounds like anything normal.
Today is Valentine's Day, you know. I like to call it "V-Day" because that's cuter. Kind of like "X-mas," although X-mas is a legitimate term that was used way before texting shorthand came into public use. I mean, people were saying X-mas before smell phones were invented.
I did practically nothing for V-Day, which is a shame because it's one of the cutest, most commercial holidays ever. All I did was get presents from my parents (rice crackers with seaweed, Japanese chocolate mushrooms, and white gum, because that's what every girl needs on V-Day) and hang out with the cousin.
The cousin is now lying on the floor trying to make the cat love her. It's a losing battle, cousin. (Good God, she's not even next to me and I'm talking to her. I must be slowly losing my mind. I love you, everyone! Remember that when I go insane and try to throw kittens at you when I see you because I'm too crazy to care who you are, okay?) The cat will never love you. The cat might be a space alien, or a robot, or an Animagus, or a ninja, but no matter what, she is heartless.
I mean, if she knew what V-Day was, she would probably refuse to celebrate it. She would be one of those people who goes, "Ew, sparkles and pink and love and happiness! I want to go sulk in my basement lair and eat frogs or something." She's just a little jerk kitty that way.
Another non-human who I've nonetheless decided hates V-Day is the exclamation point. It's not a ninja exclamation point, because it's not subtle enough to be a ninja, but I'm still not sure what it is. It might just be a random exclamation point. Or a fabulous exclamation point. Yeah.
Anyway, the fabulous exclamation point is Not Happy. With the capitals. The exclamation point is the kind of not happy that can't be expressed by lowercase letters, all right? See, it's in love with the ninja ampersand. It wants to marry the ninja ampersand and, like, have its children or something. Although I don't think that would work out because they're both "its," being punctuation.
But I'm getting off track. The fabulous exclamation point is deeply in love with the ninja ampersand. You'd think that wouldn't be a problem, because the exclamation point is very forward with its feelings, but no. The exclamation point said, "AMPERSAND I LOVE YOU LOL," and waited for an answer.
The ninja ampersand actually kind of ignored it, if you can believe that. The ninja ampersand was on a Top Secret Ninja Mission and didn't have time for exclamation points who caps lock too much.
So the exclamation point sulked for a while, and then it said, "OMG AMPERSAND PLZ TALK TO ME!!!" because it wanted the ampersand to talk to it. Their conversation went a little bit like this:
!: WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING TO ME??
&: can't talk. important ninja mission.
!: NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME MY LOVE
!: SO AMPERSAND. I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION. ALMOST AS IMPORTANT AS ME, SO THAT'S PRETTY IMPORTANT
&: later. i'm busy.
!: I DON'T CARE. AMPERSAND. DO YOU LOVE ME??
&: i said i'm busy.
!: ANSWER MY QUESTION HONEY
!: OMG YOU DON'T LOVE ME DO YOU??
&: it's not that.
!: YOU HATE ME OMGOMGOMG YOU RUINED MY V-DAY OMG I'M NEVER GOING TO BE THE SAME YOU HEARTBREAKER
&: exclamation point, i said it's not that. i just have an important ninja job and i really shouldn't be talking to you right now
!: YOU HATE ME OMGOMG JERKBAIT I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU
&: well, if you're going to be like that
!: LIKE WHAT? I'M GOING TO BE LIKE WHAT?
&: i thought you weren't talking to me.
!: I THOUGHT YOU HAD AN IMPORTANT JOB.
&: well...look, i'm sorry. can we talk later?
!: NO BECAUSE I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU. EVER AGAIN. SO THAT MEANS NEVER
&: but you're talking to me
!: I AM NOT. GO AWAY. STUPID NINJA AMPERSAND
&: fine, i will
!: COME BACK I LOVE YOU
!: -CRIES- -IN CAPS LOCK-
That was my V-Day story for you. It was kind of sad, I guess, but maybe the ninja ampersand and the fabulous exclamation point will get a happy ending later when I'm not tired out of my mind and with the cousin. Right now the two of them are kind of like this:
Maybe tomorrow they'll be like this:
But I doubt it.
Sad V-Day, but hey! It's twelve-twelve, so technically it's not even V-Day anymore!