02 January 2010

Happy forking New Year!

It's the year of the tiger now. I tried to look that up on Wikipedia, but it didn't work out for me. I did find out that 2010 is the year in which the Dynamic Tower in Dubai will be finished. Dynamic Architecture is, by the way, that guy who makes buildings that spin. Usually I call them that, or sometimes even, "the buildings that go spinny-spinny." This is because I am a master of language.

Anyway, the buildings spin. It's kind of amazing. They're also prefabricated, so each individual floor was premade and just stacked up. Oh, and the best part (other than the way they spin. The spinning is pretty special) is that they move according to voice commands. You can say, "Move, infidel," and your floor will spin around in circles. How cool is that?

Apple is maybe-possibly-sort-of making a tablet computer. The iSlate, maybe. It's like a
cross between an iPhone and a computer. It seems like the kind of thing people would have in
the FUTURE, when we all drive our hovercars to work and vacation on the moon and live in
bubbles underwater.

Obviously twenty-ten is now the FUTURE. How does it feel to be living in such a
FUTURISTIC world filled with advanced technology? I feel pretty good about it, actually. I like
the FUTURE so far. It's not bad. Last year, I was all, "Oh gosh! The new year is fast approaching!
What if aliens come and take over our planet, demanding chocolate and firstborn children?"
But so far there have been no alien invasions, so I think we're doing well. This is obviously the
right way to measure the worth of a year: Well, no aliens...Everything is hunky-dory!

In other news, we will now write the word FUTURE and anything that has anything to do
with it in all caps. This makes no sense if you think about it and goes against the conventions
of standard English, but we all know I don't care at all about standard English. I mean, good
God. Have you seen me type recently? It's "lolz" this and ":)" that, with a side of lowercase


My God, look at me. I can't even write "lol" without capitalizing it and putting a period
after it. I won't be able to survive if the chit-chatty texting-talk takes over the world. They'll
probably lock me up for impeding progress after I spend ten minutes writing out a full reply
to something instead of just typing "k lol." I'll be imprisoned for my conservative ideas. Do
people do that? Jail people for not being radical enough? I mean, I guess they did that during
the French Revolution, but...

I'm rambling. You don't want to read this, do you? You probably want my thoughts to be
clear and organized, like pencils lined up on a desk. I would do that for you, I swear I would,
but my thoughts aren't neat like pencils. My thoughts are like (insert some wild hand gestures
and waving of hair) wheee! BAM! Kittens! Squishy wiggle twitcher fuzzy! Super special! Eep!
and I don't think they would make sense to anyone else.

I'm making increasingly less sense, you know. I used to be clear when I spoke. I used to be
able to explain things to people and have them nod and say, "Thanks, Libby. I get it now." But
now I have trouble saying thinks without putting "squish" in the sentence instead of a more
commonly accepted verb.

Sentences That Would Make Sense If You Were Me, Or Alternately, If You Were
  • Oh no! I squished it wrong!
  • Erin squished me again when I tried to name my phone Renesmee.
  • I squished the cat.
  • Where do I squish these?
  • I was all like, "You know, it's squishy," and she was all like, "I don't understand you."

Ooh, we could make an activity out of it! I love activities! Y'all can guess what verbs I
replaced with "squish." Tell me later, if, you know, I ever actually see you. (Wow, commas.) If
I don't actually see you, then I don't care what you do. Oh, that was mean of me. You can
always post little squishies (comments! I mean comments!) on this post. It makes me feel
special when people comment, and since I never post, no one ever has the opportunity.

So I'm sorry if this was weirdly formatted and hard to read. Blogger hates me sometimes.
I give it presents and say, "Blogger, je t'aime bien," to it so it loves me, but it doesn't always
work. Just try to read this. I know you'll try very hard because my thoughts are so fascinating.
I know it makes me feel better to know I'm still thinking.

Peace out, dear readers.

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