This post is short and Claudia-centric.

This is an interview with Claudia. I had no idea when I randomly interviewed the cousin that this interviewing thing would catch on. My own mother even asked me if I was going to interview her, but I have to wait until I can think up some good questions that make her sound like a tyrannical dictator. (You have been warned, Mother. Oh, and I'll ask them to Father too.)

Facebook interviews lack the lovely little Facebook-isms that make Facebooking so fun. People put spaces between sentences. It's like semicolons for people who don't use semicolons.

Me: Okay, the interview has now begun. Forgive me if I spend a long time thinking of questions and less time asking them.

Her: Okay. I have a new motto.

Me: What is it?

Her: Actually, it might be a slogan. Idk [sic] It is I excel in excellence.

Me: Do you know how to say that in Latin?

Her: No. I don't speak Latin. I could say it in pig Latin, if that helps.

Me: That's fabulous.

Her: Yes, it is.

Me: Figure out how to say it, please, so I can record it on my blog until 12/21/12.

Her: Why until 12/21/12?

Me: Because that's when the world will end.

Her: So I've heard. In Latin or pig Latin? Wait, is this on record for the interview?
Me: Either works. Everything has been on record since I said it was on record.

Her: But you never said it was on record.

Me: Fine, since I said the interview had begun.

Her: I'm a pretty pathetic interviewee. Is that what one calls someone who is being interviewed?Me: I guess so.

Her: Or would victim be more appropriate?

Me: You're not as bad as I am at interviewing.

Her: Thank you. I guess. I feel like I should say something witty, but I can't think of anything.

Me: I'm going to put this on hold for a moment because I'm getting tired of typing everything twice. 

(Break of approximately five minutes.)

Me:Okay. Interviewing again. It has commenced.

Her: Ok. Yeah, in german the verb for 'to drill ones ears' or like pick your ears is ohren bohren,

pronounced like oren boren, and that was always weird for me.

Me: Why is there a verb for that?

Her: I think thats how it's spelled. I don't know why. Because the german speakers of the world enjoy drilling their ear.

Me: That is yet another reason the child is not taking German.

Her: I dont know why I'm in French and German if I've always wanted to go to Spain. Oh well.

Me: Because French and German are better languages?

Her: Maybe. I'm very sad.

Me: Oh no. Why?

Her: I now own all the Arsenium flairs on Facebook so I can't get any more until someone makes one.

Me: How many are there? Also, explain him to my readers.

Her: There's like five flairs. Where should I start? 1) He's my favorite singer. What else?

Me: I don't know.

Her: Ummmm... he's from Moldova, which is like tied for the best country ever. Ummm...he's hot...uhhhhh...he has the best voice, its all smoky and deep.

Me: Tied with what?

Her: Oh, with Iceland of course.

Me: Iceland is fab.

Her: Oh yes. But that's off topic.

Me: There is no topic.

Her: Oh, Arsie plays some mean Moldovan folk music.

Me: By the way, it doesn't bother you if I fix up everything you say so it conforms to standard English, right?

Her: I thought Arsenie was the topic. What is standard but a relative measure of what is regular? Hey-- what's wrong with my English? Besides the lack of caps and apostrophes and commas. I only do that for speed's sake.

Me: Nothing. I just like caps and apostrophes and commas.

Her: Ok. Back to Arsenie. Did I say that he's hot? And he has the awesomest accent. I don't know many people with accents as awesome as his.

Me: I don't know many people with accents. I have to stop now. Maybe I could make this a two-part interview or something.

Her: Ok. We could put up Claudia part 2 another day.

Me: Okay.

Her: I don't have a nickname, do I?

Me: No, you don't.

Her: Ok.

Me: This is something that needs to be corrected.

Her: Yes, yes it does need to be fixed. I'm listening to a good song in French.

Me: Wonderful. Okay, the interview is now terminated.

You will never learn what exactly the song she was listening to was unless you ask her.

I should really write more, but I don't want to.