Good Lord.

I am trying to say "Good Lord!" more often. In my head, it makes me sound like a crotchety old grandma who crochets lace doilies and is always "losing" her glasses and people have to point out that she's wearing them. I don't know what it sounds like outside my head, because I've never had the chance to go there.

The only one of my Summer Goals (the capital letters make them sound more impressive) that I seem to be anywhere near completing is my book list. I plan to read a hundred books I've never read this summer, excluding graphic novels of any kind. As of this post, I am maybe a fifth of the way through book #79, Shift.

I have a stately goal, so I thought I would share its fruits with you, dear elocutionists. I am considering exhibiting each of the tomes on this blog. I'm going to transcribe the register anyway, but there is a likelihood that I will also interline an epitomized compendium of each work for your viewing pleasure.

By the way, I found a thesaurus on the table next to me and used it to spice up the above paragraph. That would be why half of the words are probably used wrong. It took me a long time to write because I had to keep checking the thesaurus for every other word. This is why that one person said, "If you need to look the word up, it's the wrong word." Or something to that effect.

Here's the shorter (more succinct) version of what I just said, in correct (or accurate) English, without any interesting (engrossing!) words (utterances).

I'm going to write up my list of books on this blog no matter what, but Liss told me I should write sarcastic book reviews, so I'm considering writing a short review of all the books I can remember. Some of them I read months ago, which is too long for me to remember when I've read fifty books since then. You won't get a very good review of those. But I remember some of the books like I read them yesterday. In fact, I read three yesterday.

Tell me: is this a good idea? It would fill up the post a lot more than just listing books. That would make me feel more accomplished, and I wouldn't have to scribble some lazy paragraphs about I'm bored and hungry and I don't know what to write so I'll just whinge about my boring hunger. When I write long posts, I feel better. Also, my favorite complainers are happy because I've actually written.

Did you know dictionary.com Tweets? By Jove, I certainly didn't. This is yet another reason to get a Twitter. Unfortunately, I have some very strong reasons against getting a Twitter. See:

Pros:

• The webpage has a drawing of a little birdie on it
• People I know have Twitter accounts
• My favorite YA authors have Twitter accounts

Cons:

• I never update my blog or my Facebook status, so why would I update my Twitter?
• Twitter is verbing words like MySpace and Facebook verbed "friend"
• The character limit would block my creative expression, which is hard to summon up and easily blocked
• It's ruining the English language, just like Facebook, texting, and Miley Cyrus

Wow, making lists really does help solve problems. And here I thought it was stupid back in elementary school when they made us write lists. I have more cons than pros. That means getting a Twitter is a very bad idea.

And my Twitter username was going to be pseudocurses, too. If you are reading this and you have a Twitter, please help a young girl in need. Look up the name pseudocurses and see if some usurping youth has snatched it before I can. Thank you. Infidel.

I keep seeing people on Facebook who write 5 things i can grab from where im sitting, as if we really want to know what they keep in their filthy pigsties. Guess what? Just for you, I'm going to write five things I could grab from where I'm sitting, if I wasn't worried that I'd get all kinds of diseases just from touching them.

5 tings lolol!!

• Roget's College Thesaurus in Dictionary Form
• Book #79, Shift
• Holy Bible; the New Revised Standard Edition
• Robby's nasty bread crusts from lunch
• a French-English dictionary

There, wasn't that enlightening?

This post is short and Claudia-centric.

This is an interview with Claudia. I had no idea when I randomly interviewed the cousin that this interviewing thing would catch on. My own mother even asked me if I was going to interview her, but I have to wait until I can think up some good questions that make her sound like a tyrannical dictator. (You have been warned, Mother. Oh, and I'll ask them to Father too.)

Facebook interviews lack the lovely little Facebook-isms that make Facebooking so fun. People put spaces between sentences. It's like semicolons for people who don't use semicolons.

Me: Okay, the interview has now begun. Forgive me if I spend a long time thinking of questions and less time asking them.

Her: Okay. I have a new motto.

Me: What is it?

Her: Actually, it might be a slogan. Idk [sic] It is I excel in excellence.

Me: Do you know how to say that in Latin?

Her: No. I don't speak Latin. I could say it in pig Latin, if that helps.

Me: That's fabulous.

Her: Yes, it is.

Me: Figure out how to say it, please, so I can record it on my blog until 12/21/12.

Her: Why until 12/21/12?

Me: Because that's when the world will end.

Her: So I've heard. In Latin or pig Latin? Wait, is this on record for the interview?
Me: Either works. Everything has been on record since I said it was on record.

Her: But you never said it was on record.

Me: Fine, since I said the interview had begun.

Her: I'm a pretty pathetic interviewee. Is that what one calls someone who is being interviewed?Me: I guess so.

Her: Or would victim be more appropriate?

Me: You're not as bad as I am at interviewing.

Her: Thank you. I guess. I feel like I should say something witty, but I can't think of anything.

Me: I'm going to put this on hold for a moment because I'm getting tired of typing everything twice. 

(Break of approximately five minutes.)

Me:Okay. Interviewing again. It has commenced.

Her: Ok. Yeah, in german the verb for 'to drill ones ears' or like pick your ears is ohren bohren,

pronounced like oren boren, and that was always weird for me.

Me: Why is there a verb for that?

Her: I think thats how it's spelled. I don't know why. Because the german speakers of the world enjoy drilling their ear.

Me: That is yet another reason the child is not taking German.

Her: I dont know why I'm in French and German if I've always wanted to go to Spain. Oh well.

Me: Because French and German are better languages?

Her: Maybe. I'm very sad.

Me: Oh no. Why?

Her: I now own all the Arsenium flairs on Facebook so I can't get any more until someone makes one.

Me: How many are there? Also, explain him to my readers.

Her: There's like five flairs. Where should I start? 1) He's my favorite singer. What else?

Me: I don't know.

Her: Ummmm... he's from Moldova, which is like tied for the best country ever. Ummm...he's hot...uhhhhh...he has the best voice, its all smoky and deep.

Me: Tied with what?

Her: Oh, with Iceland of course.

Me: Iceland is fab.

Her: Oh yes. But that's off topic.

Me: There is no topic.

Her: Oh, Arsie plays some mean Moldovan folk music.

Me: By the way, it doesn't bother you if I fix up everything you say so it conforms to standard English, right?

Her: I thought Arsenie was the topic. What is standard but a relative measure of what is regular? Hey-- what's wrong with my English? Besides the lack of caps and apostrophes and commas. I only do that for speed's sake.

Me: Nothing. I just like caps and apostrophes and commas.

Her: Ok. Back to Arsenie. Did I say that he's hot? And he has the awesomest accent. I don't know many people with accents as awesome as his.

Me: I don't know many people with accents. I have to stop now. Maybe I could make this a two-part interview or something.

Her: Ok. We could put up Claudia part 2 another day.

Me: Okay.

Her: I don't have a nickname, do I?

Me: No, you don't.

Her: Ok.

Me: This is something that needs to be corrected.

Her: Yes, yes it does need to be fixed. I'm listening to a good song in French.

Me: Wonderful. Okay, the interview is now terminated.

You will never learn what exactly the song she was listening to was unless you ask her.

I should really write more, but I don't want to.

And now, a cheer about e-mail!

G for glass

M for mature

A for amazing

I for immoral

L for licorice

What does that spell?

Gmail!

I just signed into this blog with my new gmail account. The only difference between my new gmail account and my old yahoo account is the username. I still have the same password, which I use for everything. If someone finds out what it is, they'll be able to get into pretty much everything that belongs to me online. I don't like my new gmail account because I don't know how gmail is supposed to be spelled. I want to say g-mail, but I'm not sure if the g is supposed to be capitalized or not.

I was going to go mope around the house, but the cousin told me to blog. It's very annoying, but I hear many authors have people who yell at them whenever they don't work and get them to finish their novels. I know this because I always read the little page of dedications at either the front or back; you know, the one that lists all these people who helped me through the tough process of writing? Does anyone else read those?

I'm really not sure what to write about today. We have a very strange and difficult new song in band. It's called Amparito Roca. Go look it up on Google or something. I have the first clarinet part, only because the teachers took pity on me for having played the second parts in our last two songs. It has a lot of sixteenth notes, which is a problem because I can't play sixteenth notes, and a lot of music in general, which is a problem because I can't play. I vowed to myself that I would learn to play this song, but that was what I did last time and it didn't work. I still say it's going to be fun. Anna, who has the second part, laughs at me every time I mention it.

My favorite element of the periodic table is Uuu, unununium. It's also number 111. See how awesome it is? I know nothing about it other than those three things, but they're awesome enough that it could be completely stupid except for that and I wouldn't care. How can an element be stupid? you ask. Well, I'm not answering you. Go think about it for yourself.

The cousin is telling me via Facebook to write about her. This is our conversation:

Libby

I don't know what to write about.

3:55pmAudrey

ME!

'cause I'm special.

Yes, that is exactly what our conversation looked like. I didn't pay her anything to say that. The cousin speaks of her own free will. My writing is all going to look messed up now because I put that little chat thing in.

The cousin's name is actually Audrey, to everyone who might not have met her. I just call her the cousin. I don't know why. I said it one day, and it stuck.

Weird Names I Call People and Who They Really Are:

• The Tyrannical Dictator: Mother
• Father: Father
• The child: Robby, my brother
• The cousin: Audrey, my cousin
• Hermano: all girls I talk to who are not Spiffy or Anna
• Hermana: Anna
• Prima: Spiffy
• Chica: Niraj, also any other guy

And there you have it! I don't know why I like calling people by Spanish words that apply to the wrong gender anyway. It amuses me. I suppose I should use French words, since I actually speak some French, but Spanish is funnier. The problem with having different names for everyone means that I can't just say, "Hola, hermanos!" like I did before Spiffy and Anna (who take Spanish) complained about being called guy names. Now I have to say, "Hola, hermanos y hermana y prima!" which is really too long for a greeting.

I also speak French in situations where French doesn't make sense, such as in the middle of sentences typed to people who don't speak any French. But why would you do something that stupid? they ask, and I reply, I did it parce que I felt like it. They call this Frenglish or Franglais.

The cousin just told me that I made a mistake in claiming that her posse calls me the abortion one because of Chica's story. The story about Chica was completely true, but it's not why they call me that. I don't feel like typing up the cousin's story, so you can go ask her if you really need to know.

This post is fairly short, but I'm not in the mood to write any more. I have homework to do and school tomorrow. Adios, infidels.